Killer king: Jet Li in a scene from the film Fearless. Picture: Supplied
THE all-star cast of The Expendables 2 constitutes the biggest congregation of cinematic killers ever assembled for a major motion picture.
These kings of celluloid carnage have racked up body counts that make franchise serial killers such as Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and Jigsaw look like lightweight librarians.
There is no other way of putting it. The gentlemen listed below have made a career out of getting away with murder in the name of entertainment.
Should such cold-blooded assassins be celebrated or castigated for their life's work?
Examine the numbers below and draw your own conclusions.
JET LI
DEATHS: 852
FILMS: 42
KILLS PER FILM: 20.2
DEATHLIEST RELEASES: The Mummy 3 (112); The Warlords (88); Kung Fu Cult Master (83)
PRO-LIFE RELEASES: The Expendables (2); Fearless (1); Fist Of Legend (1)
-- FINAL SENTENCE:
The popular face of movie murder at the global box-office, the otherwise shy and retiring Mr Li has sent more to meet their maker than any other of his castmates. Also a clear leader on an average-kills-per-film basis. Put simply, if you're sharing a scene with Jet Li, odds are you are going to die.
DOLPH LUNDGREN
DEATHS: 679
FILMS: 43
KILLS PER FILM: 16.1
DEATHLIEST RELEASES: The Punisher (60); Bridge Of Dragons (53); Red Scorpion (48)
PRO-LIFE RELEASES: Johnny Mnemonic (2); Rocky IV (1); The Fat Slags (0)
-- FINAL SENTENCE: Though way past his prime - and some may argue there never was a prime - the swaggering Swede is still steadily piling up corpses in the land of straight-to-video. Lundgren will keep plying his trade in low-budget, no-script action fare until there are no more takers.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
DEATHS: 570
FILMS: 29
KILLS PER FILM: 19.6
DEATHLIEST RELEASES: Commando (102); True Lies (76); Total Recall (47)
PRO-LIFE RELEASES: Terminator 2 (1); Kindergarten Cop (1); Junior (0)
-- FINAL SENTENCE: Had he not carved out lucrative sidelines as both a mainstream figure of fun and a politician, Arnie would have gone close to topping this list. Now that he has finally returned to his chosen field, the blood will surely flow again.
SYLVESTER STALLONE
DEATHS: 472
FILMS: 42
KILLS PER FILM: 11.2
DEATHLIEST RELEASES: Rambo (123); Rambo III (95); Rambo II (78)
PRO-LIFE RELEASES: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! (1); Rocky Balboa (0)
-- FINAL SENTENCE: Take out all instalments from the Rambo saga (which account for nearly 70 per cent of his dirty work) and Sly has actually been one of the nicer nasty blokes of the action game. Doesn't take himself so seriously any more, which is appreciated by his fans.
JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME
KILLS: 403
FILMS: 39
KILLS PER FILM: 10.3
DEATHLIEST RELEASES: Universal Soldier: Regeneration (39); Hard Target (31); Cyborg (25)
PRO-LIFE RELEASES: Dragon Eyes (2); Nowhere To Run (1); Kung Fu Panda 2 (0)
-- FINAL SENTENCE: The Muscles From Brussels has been in the carnage caper for well over two decades now, and like Lundgren, will show up for a home movie in your backyard if you have the cash. Never been the most subtle of slaughterers, as Expendables 2 all too forcefully reminds us.
CHUCK NORRIS
KILLS: 390
FILMS: 27
KILLS PER FILM: 14.4
DEATHLIEST RELEASES: Missing In Action (63); Missing In Action 3 (53); Delta Force (43)
PRO-LIFE RELEASES: Hellbound (2); Sidekicks (1); Breaker! Breaker! (1)
-- FINAL SENTENCE: At age 72, Chuck is rarely tempted to wave away his walking frame to waste some bad dudes. However, his torso-shredding track record (which stretches all the way back to Bruce Lee's Way of the Dragon in 1972) speaks for itself.
JASON STATHAM
KILLS: 323
FILMS: 28
KILLS PER FILM: 11.5
DEATHLIEST RELEASES: The Expendables (68); In the Name Of the King (60); Safe (32)
PRO-LIFE RELEASES: Crank (2); Revolver (1); The Bank Job (0)
-- FINAL SENTENCE: Very much the new killer on the block of the Expendables team, but never one to shy away from keeping the movie undertakers busy. Once Jase stops making Hollywood action pics and heads elsewhere for work, however, things could get really messy.
BRUCE WILLIS
KILLS: 226
FILMS: 61
KILLS PER FILM: 3.7
DEATHLIEST RELEASES: Last Man Standing (31); The Fifth Element (27); Die Hard 2 (24)
PRO-LIFE RELEASES: Armageddon (1); The Sixth Sense (0); Look Who's Talking (0)
-- FINAL SENTENCE: The Sunday school teacher of the bunch, Willis has always been more interested in what wisecrack will come after the killing, than the killing itself. Clearly enjoying all the post-shootout quippery in Expendables 2.
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