Total Recall: Total rehash

Total rehash ... Colin Farrell

(12A) 118mins

AFTER last year’s Conan The Barbarian failed to impress, and with this version of Total Recall looking pretty but lacking in almost every other way, the message seems to be: Don’t remake Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.

Say what you like about Arnie’s acting abilities but the guy had a presence on screen that was undeniable.

Ultimately, from Commando to Predator, the bottom line was always the same: No one is hard enough to take down this guy.

Jason Momoa had the brawn in Conan but that still flopped.

Actor ... John Cho

Columbia Pictures Industries

So you can understand the filmmakers here going the opposite direction and casting Colin Farrell as Doug Quaid.

In case you don’t Recall, Quaid is a man who dreams that his life should be more than working the same job every day.

After visiting memory implant centre Recall — and asking if he can have the experience of being a double agent inserted into his brain — things get ugly.

Stars ... Colin Farrell and Kate Beckinsale

Columbia Pictures Industries

For example, his loving wife Lori (Kate Beckinsale) turns out to be an undercover spy hell-bent on killing him.

So far, so Totally familiar.

But the film, again based on Philip K Dick’s short story, does have a couple of good ideas of its own.

Total rehash ... Alex Zane says the film lacks Arnold Schwarzenegger's presence

Columbia Pictures

It’s set entirely on Earth where, after chemical warfare, only the UK and Australia are habitable.

A giant elevator running through the planet’s core joins the two — a nice concept.

And the film is visually amazing.

The problem, though, is that it’s the best-looking but most unengaging film this year.

It’s just an extended — and at times tedious — chase scene with Farrell and Jessica Biel’s rebel fighter being punched, tracked and punched some more by an admittedly brilliantly kickass Beckinsale.

But, as we’ve seen numerous times before, pretty action alone does not a good movie make. Director Len Wiseman (Die Hard 4.0) also rather unwisely decides to include some nods to the previous movie, serving only to remind us of that superior film.

Yes, the girl with three boobs appears but, as there are no OTHER mutants in this version, it means that she must have decided to add the extra one herself — which is just weird.

RATING: TWO OUT OF FIVE STARS

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